Stay Gold

I just finished watching the "Steve-o Demise & Rise" show. I know this isn't the first time I've ever heard of how seriously fucked up you can get from drugs, but like watching the video footage of him snorting coke from the palm of his hand or huffing so much nitrous he started seizuring and talking to himself about how the demons in his head were telling him to kill himself, I truly do not understand how anyone could think that was cool. Like its one thing if you are an addict, then you've just sucked yourself entirely too into it to feel you can turn back, but to really start doing that shit because its like the hip thing to do is so fucked up. I'll just always remember an old friend of mine talking about coke and how it was really the most awesome drug she's ever tried, aside from being drunk and stoned at the same time, and like I can't even begin to fathom thinking that. Like I didn't even get it when I was into that shit. I don't understand why you'd want to be totally drunk off your ass, its not a pleasant experience remotely. I'd rather not feel like I'm going to puke for a couple hours straight. Or I don't understand why some people can't function if they're not stoned, everything is so distorted anyway that you're not even the same person you actually are. Why is that fun? Why on Earth would I want to forget or barely be able to control myself for my entire youth so it burns away faster and I get older so much faster?

There was a women in my work the other day that I honestly could not tell was a women until she started looking at purses. Her skin was like leather, and just hung off her face with permanent smoke lines permeating through it and her voice was so deep that it very easily could have beat any guy's hands down and I don't think the 20-somethings outside Community attach that image to the cigarette in their fingers. If you did, I don't understand how you could not be repulsed. Who wants to look 60 when they're 40? 

Its not worth it. Its truly not worth it. I enjoy living and I want to live for as long as I can. I've already given up eating meat, and made my diet healthier. I'm going to start exercising again now that I'm getting out of school for the semester. I want to start enjoying my life, and not looking at everything so damn pessimistically. I'm sick of sitting home every night and feeling like a lame ass when I'm fucking 18 years old and should be enjoying myself. No more being home at eleven and asleep by twelve, fuck that. I am staying out late and going in pits and enjoying my life and not being afraid anymore of someone trying to stage dive or what have you. The show yesterday in the basement made me see something I've been drastically missing. I want to be in those pits. I want to live a little. I wish I would have gotten my ass down to the Trash Talk basement show, I really do. I had the best time of my life at that show, and I loved being a part of that. I'm definitely going to stop just standing on the sidelines from now on.