Return

I have plans tomorrow to go a High Point Regional open mic night. I'm not sure what to think of this. On one hand, it might be nice seeing Strout and Hodge, but who am I kidding. I realize that the kids at that open mic are the reason I stopped writing. I know that labeling yourself as a 'writer' at High Point Regional High School made you a pseudo-intellectual fighting to be the next great poet. I know that constant judgement, big headed-ness, and competition made me stop having a passion for something I loved so much, a passion I have not found again to this day. I know that going back there might stop my return to writing as I know it, but yet I know I'll go anyway. I hope I don't get stared down (again).

One of the recent poems I wrote got turned into lyrics of a metal song. I'm not sure how to think of that either. I listen to the song, not recognizing the words through the screams and then a clean part breaks and there it is, my words. Its a very strange feeling. I'm not sure whether I love the poem more, or whether I want to tear it down and throw it away. Its almost like as soon as I hear the words I hate them and am embarrassed by them, even though technically now they don't belong to me anymore. I think I like it though. I like knowing that's my poem hidden under the music.